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No Goodbye !

Taken from me way too soon

I sit at night and stare at the moon

Answers never seem to come

Hurt everyday from losing you mum

People say it’ll be fine in time

They’re not living in my mind

People try to help you through

The only help is inside of you

When a big part of your heart breaks

It cannot be mended with sticky tape

To those who hurt deep down inside

I always think of you by my side

Believe In You !

Dont be afraid to try something new

The power is deep within you

Anxiety levels rising high

Your in control, I promise just try

You never quite know what lyes ahead

Is it better that way for you instead

Daily life can drain you so

Round in circles where to go

Keep on going your doing fine

All will be right with time

Try to let the fear subside

You have the strength deep inside

Tuesday 10.22am

Sitting sipping my caramel latte feeling anxious about everything and I mean EVERYTHING! It’s quite overwhelming as although I’ve suffered anxiety and depression since I was 15, this is feeling like something different.

I know ever since the C word has been with us for two years it’s had a massive affect on everyone in some way or another. I’m feeling so so guilty and angry that I wasn’t with my mum at the end f her life.

I should’ve have fought more to be there, but we were all literally cut off from our family and friends, there was just sheer terror that all of a sudden was put upon us.

I still can’t get my head round it. Seems one day we’re living our ordinary lives and the next thing we knew was a terrible virus was upon the world.

IN TIME

Tick tock goes the clock on the mantelpiece

I hear it all the time even in my sleep

Time goes by so quickly now

Though feelings stay the same

My healing heart still hurts a lot

It will never be the same

How am I to carry on trying to pretend

Making out I’m fine when I think about the end

Got to keep going but for how long

I know I keep on trying

Trying so hard to stay strong

I feel inside I’m dying

Time goes by so quickly

Though not quick enough for me

I hurt so much inside my heart

If you look deep inside you’ll see

Tick tock goes the clock on the mantlepeice

When it stops finally I know I’ve found my peace

Photo by Gashif Rheza on Pexels.com

What & Why !

So it begins again, dreaded fears

Overwhelming sobbing tears

Stinging down my rosy cheeks

Why must I always feel so weak

Do I deserve all this demise

I look into my lifeless eyes

All I wanted was a normal life

Maybe one day become a wife

Do we really know, do we care

If hurt once the scar is there

Buried deep within your soul

To carry on, to reach your goal

It doesn’t get easier, not at all

No one there to stop your fall

All the years of fighting on

Trying hard to stay strong

You carry on, but slowing down

Keep upright, afix your crown

knowing that the day will come

I’ll be beside my angel mum

Light & Love

Another Year !

So where do we start again

Can we begin without any pain

Why does it seem fear awaits

Do we all feel that it’s somehow fate

I’ll never understand no not at all

Your gone from me I feel so small

I don’t want to be here at times

Though I try my best to act fine

If only by drinking plenty more wine

It’s not really fair on those around

I must stay strong in mind be sound

Never forgetting my promise to you

To stay strong in everything I do

SUCH IS LIFE

I often wonder if this life was planned

Would I’ve changed it beforehand

Sad and happy, false and true

Why did I put my trust in you

So what am I to learn from this

We don’t all feel eternal bliss

Is it what we signed up for

Queuing up at your sacred door

Only to be fooled into thinking

My soul is positively shrinking

Strength & Hope

Wherever you find yourself at this moment and time whether your sad, anxious, scared of what lyes ahead, know that you’ve done the absolute best you can for yourself and everyone you care about.

That’s all any of us can do in these very trying times. I have been through so many trials and tribulations like any of us have, but I still amaze myself by staying strong. Then again I’d say that was down to my dear, beautiful mother whom I miss so so much.

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